studylog9216

2011-05-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

one lonely night

One lonely night I started to emo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bazfQbX-HAI&feature=related

Btw I lost my first 1st self and frens-made videos for EALD- premarital sex and animal rights! I miss those videos. Hope to have them back!

2010-10-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

NO longer mine.

2010-03-23T02:06:00.000-07:00

I m so grateful that i manage to further my degree education in Unversity of Melbourne, Australia, one of the top rated university for my core subject(Architecture). frankly and secerely speaking, I m truely not happy and optimistic as i was.Friend? haha, i got friends but juz no closed friends bcz i m not gud in expressing my thoughts, and partly because of my speech problem because I have short tongue since the day of my birth and this causes me to speak slowly and .Though v might seem to b together in a group, but obviously I m alone all the time, perhaps for their impression, I m weird ,I jus know i cant blend in though I struggle extensively hard.Or perhaps, my own altitude problem but tell me please, I want to have friends, i longe for friendship sincerely n deeply in my heart. Yet i know the fact and try to be myself, telling myself , it is ok, u will find a true friend in someday and u will b adapt greatly n u will have better future since i have ran my journey so far.Now,I m upset, stress or tensioned not because of tons of assignments and exams ,instead I m grateful that all these assignments and exams keep me busy and occupied without having myself too much free time to think of other stuffs and feel the loneliness, cold crictique and badmouth on me. In front of some certain friend, I m the source of entertainment for them to spend their leisure time to badmouth at.

For instance, dey comment tat I look very hamsap and yong sui-(my mom n dad form me this way and i m proud of it, i dun care and just ignore ,however partly tis kind of critique would make me feel less confidence and less expressive.Ok fine, I admit I m hamsap ,because in secondary school time, i tried to blend into a certain friend group but cant but i managed to mix into the group n make frens when i talk on hamsap thing. So in order to make frens n keep myself happy, i went to do research on hamsap things, perhaps this shapes me to b hamsap? but tis is true about me last time. silly rite? but it is true.)People are afraid of me n says me look like rapist, but i dun mind because i clearly know that I m not animal, I respect women,i respect their opinions and I also have the sense of justice deeply in my heart.but bcz of my look, dey have such impression on me but i dun take it seriously n b happy as i m.Some people say me I m too fake , and just acting n behave well when ppl are watching. Ok fine, I look very seriously on ppl impression on me bcz i want friendship , i search for warmth and i want to b good in ppl thoughts, however when ppl are not watching, I m aso keep my words and promise sound .

As a famous chinese saying go v ''nan ren liu xue bu liu lei'', and this has become the culture and tradition of every chinese men on earth.However, even I m a man physically and mentally, sometimes i would want to be a girl because of several reasons. If i were a girl, I can cry in public or privately without a need to care 'face' or ''mian zhi'' If I were a girl, I can juz badmouth and gossip like a bitch or chicken backside without needing to hold on or care about egoism,'nan ren da zhao fu, bu sua bian ren huai hua.Even when i do something rong if i were a girl, i can juz walk away like nobody business, but as a man , i cannot do things like tis, i have to take the responsibilty n reputation and ethic juz because i m a man.Yet when I did nothing rong, I still have to apologise because i m a man,Nan ren bu ke yi xiao qi. Bcz I m who I m , the one care the impression of himselves in front of others and wish to achieve high quality of personalities and job. Nan ren ying yi shi yen wei zhong. If I were a girl, I dont need to care too much on success n work, bcz in my society , girls always have two option to b success, even one of them might fail. First the option, dey can juz always find a good husband n marry n clink on him for support without having to be success in their job but not recommended in tis modern society unless they wan to b ni qiang ren . But i m a boy n parents hope, i cant take even 1 failure in my life, if it does, i will have no future and tis is a man destiny.

growing up until now, almost reaching adult stage, I m still a failure.haiz , relly envy my roomate, he dare to speak watever in his mind and reject watever he dun like,i relly like him as my roomate bcz at least he dun backstab n talk bad behind ppl and yet with tis dun care dun care altitud, he could make a lot of frens, relly wan to learn from him. ok liao lazy to write, wan to do y own work d, satisfy with complaining n anger n dissapointment n 'zhi bei' gone. can resume work...work n work....

PAST @ PRESENT DOUBTS AND OBSTANCLES.

2009-08-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

(FIGURES that i have been trying to surpass and obtain recognition of my presence, no matter what the outcomeswill be in the future, I am what I am, the optimistic one)

Confession of my pass and present

I have to admit I made less effort in EALD compared to other subjects in the first semester. However, now, i am putting in more effort in EALD after realising i made no progress at all,weather it is noticeable or not, as i know about my level and standard ,instead i felt i m deteriorating at a rocketting pace.

Today, after listening to Mr D 's lectures, i felt a tremendous guilt inside myself, as i knew that my hunger and curiosity for hunting and exploring for knowledge and language are rotting in a way I did not see it until today. H e is right . there is no points in worrying weather i could fly or not, all I am hoping to get , desperately, i would say, is an IMPROVEMENT at least, but truthfully spoken, I am still the previous me ,the one in the beginning of the year. None has changed despite more wrinkles have poped up on my old ,ancient looking face. I have grown physically with my knowledge remains constant at my own ceiling.I will have to break it no matter how much it cost me.

Many people say I am weak in many aspects. They say I am useless seeing I achieve nothing after putting all efforts i could. But I would stay as positive as I am by giving excuse and reasoning to myself like ,perhaps luck is not on my side.That's the way how i survive till today, as happily as i force myself to be.

My parents , long time ago , said I was the most useless being in this family among all my siblings.In hokien, my father used to say I am the useless animal,( KIM SIU, bo yong) who just know how to feed and sleep just like a pig, bringing shame upon his own pride and making no achievement up to his expectation. In his eyes, I could see myself as an unwanted child , abandoned son like adeline Yen Mah?perhaps I was. In primary school , as rebellious as i was to be, I was notorious in the school for plotting all possible chaos and pranks over teachers and students. I was known as bad student , hyperactive and disspointing son and worst classmate in the eyes of my teachers , parents and friends.I had my own name on the teachers' most unwanted students' list.Most of them said I had no future. They ignored my annoying figure in a way that they would act , pretend and assume i was not existing though I always made my presence sounded and noticeable in an incorect way. Unlike me, my eldest brother, who is one year ahead of me, is an intelligent, smart , handsome , athletic, popular guy. He was always the favourite ,the best student for all teachers. He is a bright student as he always be, he was the first in class in the aspect of academic, sports like badmintons and social circle. He was once made a school role model and respected by all teachers and schoolmates. Comparing to him, i was totally a normal or uncomparable creature. My parents, teachers all like to compare me with him, lowering me down as a worthless being in this world. My stern father always quoted me with his famous quote:'' qi liao bi (hokien) which means I was a burden whom he need to waste his money to feed me.In their thoughts, it would be better if i was not existed but i do exist. Despite all the criticisms and negative comments on my life ,my achievement and my attribute, I lived myself just to past the day i had suffered , failing to reach the expectations like what my wise brother did. To them, my brother was always the great, wise and intelligent one, while I was just a hindrance, a responsiblity that they have to take despite all my trials to amaze them. Slowly i gave up as no matter what i did, i would never surpass my brother and become part of my parents' pride. In standard three and five, i was dropped out of my school for about two weeks.As my parents thought that i have no talent in studying, it would better for me to learn some living skills. So,they brought me to my uncle's workshop and work as a illegal trainee in repairing motor and vehicles, hoping that i could learn a skill to support myself in the future. However it lasted for about two weeks only. It is because I couldn't stand the cruel and harsh words until I felt my place should not belong to this rusting , rotting workshop. I beg to go back to school to continue my study after experiencing the hardship in working. From that time , I promise myself I will not step in to this ugly pace again.Then I started to appreciate the education given to me as there is only one way for me to go out of this ring, it is EDUCATION. In that time , i still remembered it clearly,it was in 2001. My parents put me back to the school to study as they think that I at least have to complete my primary education as they were before going to work. That year, i studied really hard and deligently as i would say.As a result, i improve a lot and finally i would get myself a place in the top class after sticking to the third class for years.But my performance was not as great as my brother . Hence, my achievement was not sounded to my parents.I didn't mind but I care.d As optimistic as I always am, i would take it as a pushing force. At least I had made my greatest and first achievement for the first time in my life.
In year 2002, I had found my hidden talent which I might use to amaze my parents-ART. That time, i was keen in learning to paint , to draw and to design after watching my favourite cartoon-DIGIMON. I learn to design anime characters and colouring. My art teacher noticed my interest and introduce me to a famous master , teacher in art drawing and painting after getting approval from my mother. In the beginning, I was so weak in drawing compare to those who are same age with me. But I love what i do. And my teacher could see the fire in my eyes when i drawed.He kept on encouraging me and teaching me the best way he could. Though I was not good ,I felt joy when my art teacher praised me in a way that you might think it is a normal words but not compliments. He said it is ok for a beginner.This is the first time that people appreciate my work and what i did. Since then , I have my target, my goal, my dream to become a art teacher like my teacher. When a person have goals, he will work harder towards the goals. the same things apply to me also.This is the only field that i might differentiate myself or be better than my brother.After this, I made a small achievement liek winning small prizes in school art competitions. But this is just a tiny little achievement compared to my brother who win a chinese , malay state writing competitions, score a title of champion in MSPP badminton competitions, national Boy Bridgade Badminton competitons' runner up, USM warga project champion, representing schools for Olympic mathematics competitions,earning himself a leader or presidents in clubs and society in schools, etc. In both primary and high schools, i was known by every teachers and students not because I have my own achievements but because i am his brother. I t is pathetic that I always live under his shadow. I promise myself i must make my name known and recognised by everyone not because I am his brother. Now I still envy and wish to surpass him one day. Presently , he is pursuiing his dream in UKM in faculty of Fisiology.

Slowly , as we grow up, we change, we learn, we adapt. In high school, I learned that becoming a art teacher will get me no where as I think the income is not stable.hence , i shift my dream to become a graphic or advertising designer and become a chief designer or art director. Since 2005, I started making my name a famous, not for the bad pranks like i did in my primary school but in the arena of art. I achieved a huge success and have competed to the national level and international level for arena art. I won several creative art design competition both national level and international level such as Osaka,japan-malaysia art competition in 2005 (where i started to become famous in my school), China international Olympic planning and design competition , MIA national competions ,etc and had my name and my masterpiece printed in Nan Yang San Pau and Sin Chew Jit Pou and New Strait Times a few year ago. Also, even though my academic performance was not as great as my art performance, i did gain a bronze prize for national physics competition . But I still haven't gain my recognision as my brother still always ahead of me until i luckily obtained JPA scholarship. At last , my accomplishment was worshiped and recognised at least by JPA.

Now , looking back to my past, I have done a great job to the fullest until year 2009. It was right for the saying that every high tides are accompanied by trough. My academic performance was deteriorating until i felt that I am not qualified to obtain this scholarship offer.As my report cards show I get a 50 mark for my EALD , a failing grade ,an obstancle that drag me to the ground from flying. Like a chicken , i was given a pair of wings but unable to fly high. and i wonder why. There must be a reason behind all actions and events. I must find out and solve the problem i faced. Or else , I will be returning to the path that i decided not to take since my primary school. Since this Sem , I work my EALD assignments the best effort i could and study EALD hard by forcing myself to pick at least an article , essays to read every week and learn a few voca in a week time. Hopefully ,my effort would bear a positive outcomes. However , is this method workable for me to improve in a short time period. This time, I really nid to ask for advice and help .

So Mr D, please guide me how should i solve my problem that i have now? Any suggestions?

P/S: ANY grammatical mistake , i will correct it .Please bear with it. XD

What is it that makes it so hard for people to talk to each other?

2009-07-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

Finally, we finished our EALD Assessment -the feature article. We used almost 12 hours to do out collage, and the outcomes turn out to be very satisfying, at least our efforts worth making it.In the process , we brainstormed , purchased requiring materials ,discussed techniques and ideas to achieved the tasks yet hoping to related our artistic craft to the main theme.I t is so exciting and throughout the process, we didnt argue with one another, in fact we help one another , giving ideas and make the ideas come true. I do really like our group and the academic collage. In my opinion, our collage is academically , factually and beautifully made.

What I wan to say is that talking and communicating should not be a problem for a thinkable being like us. However , nowadays, communication becomes a challenging obstancle in this real world, which has brought the existing generation , globally to a state, that i would call it a shame. Due to the diminshing communications and converstations among peoples, this disminishing talking skills once was a medium used to unite peoples around the world deteriorates at a stake level. Today, the lost of this skill obviously becomes an agenda causing the war to be split among countries. Imagine, less and less of talking, soon, what becomes the link, the connect that forms the basic connections that bind people together , that we call it as relationship , unbreakable bond between lovers, mother and sons, friends, etc. Without it, this uniting bonds becomes so fragile and breakable. Now, for human beings it has become an understandable lame excuse that cause a war , crime , domestic violence. That 's why American is having a war, developing massive nuclear weapon besides of GREED.

oK, enough with bullshitting. Now ,let us rock the main theme,why is it so hard to make people talk with one another? Basically and normally ,i would answer '' I don't know'' Just kidding.
As we could see from the movie itself, the main problem lies between this is COMMUNICATION and WILLINGNESS OF ONE PARTY TO TALK and SHARE WHAT THEY THINK. If a party refuse to speak , that is the end of the story as we could see it from the movie, ''one thousand year of good prayer.''(big capital) .In the movie, YiLan the daughter of Mr Shi refuse to share the ......blur blur blur....All you guys know the story.........

Thats all for now.....Thank you shall be continue.....in episode 2 :what is it that makes it so hard for people to talk to

EALD : A Thousand Years of Good Prayers

2009-07-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

I will try to get it done before wednesday. pls proceed to others' blog before i get it done.

thanks for the coorperations and sorry for incovenience that have been done.

2009-07-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

Last friday, I rushed here and there like a mad cow, working busily from 10am till 6pm, without having a break for rest. Guess what kind of work can drive me, the laziest pig in the world to work like hell. I think you guys know d. It is university applying day. Having so much doubt on which Uni to choose (Syney? UNSW? Newcastle? Melbourne?Queensland?UWA?Adelaine ? sO MANY option. ha ha to those New Zealanders, only 2 options for them.^^!!! But What i can choose. It is the uni to choose me but not me to choose them, because i have lost since last year and my performance dropped deeply. what hope do i have? NONE , since my current average sucks. yet i still got to choose. Now i think only UTAS would accept poor students like me since they set minimum TER score to qualify weak and useless student like me),I stood there like a fool, knowing absolutely nothing to do except having all documents prepared but not yet filled, because I CAN CHOOSE ABSOLUTELY nothing!NOTHING at all. My marks poor, my result sucks, my fighting spirits gone!And exam is around corner. I have no one to blame but myself. My fellow KBU friends, still remember we are required to write our personal statement on why You Choose This Subject To Major In. Suddenly i would recall.....Why i choose architecture. Last time in form 5 , I also have to write the same things.Now i still have to write the same things, same stuff but one thing is certainly lost---my spirit and passion to achieve my goal. I still have one of the copy that i wrote last time to apply for scholarships to study my desired course .I wrote a lot and apply a lot of scholarships in related field and i earn it through my effort.I earned 100% free to study at Taylor College for diploma in Architecture, 100% free to pursuade my optional dream COURSE- Urban planning and Design in MIA ,and architecture course funded by HONDA DREAM FUNDS.However , eventually i am able to choose jpa scholarships to persuade my ambitions.

I was proud because i was able to choose but not them to choose me!
I was proud because i earn every scholarships through my own effort without any helps from parents!
I was proud because i was able to proove that poor kid like me able to succeed if i work hard enough!
I was proud because i could reduce my parents' burden so that they dont need to save by not buying their own health insurance,not buying their own favoured dress and clothes , not resting even in weekends , working deligently just to provide us with education.
I was proud because my parents would be proud of me, able to be standing straight in front of my rich relatives, saying that we might be poor, but we are happy and satisfy because my children would not dissapoint us.
I was proud because I am not just a studying fool, who know nothing but just study. I know if i want to succeed, i must have something other commoners dont have. I might be weak in english as you know as u read my blogs, but i have skills and attitudes that i developed that others dont have.I have visions. I have built up my plans , my future in social, financial aspect. I look far to the front and have myself prepared mentally and physically to be immune to all the abstancles and challeges.
one of my writtings for scholarships applications:

Name : Lim Beng Hee
School: Chung Ling High School Penang

Career Aspiration / Plan

"Honda Dreams Fund is the opportunity I have been waiting for to realise my dreams. Since I was young, I have always aspired to be an ARCHITECT. Stories of my uncle who succeeds in establishing his own career against all odds have penetrated through my skull and imprinted deeply in my mind. It has driven me to become someone like him since I was barely twelve years old .He was an architect in London and he is a managing director of his own company, SimLeisure Consultants Sdn.Bhd which currently is a global design company selling ‘creativity and skills’.

From young , I adore painting and designing everything I am interested in especially from what I have seen in TV box . I still remember what my uncle said after catching sight of my works when he came to my room. He said : “You have multi-talents in designs. “ Hey, how about working with me .”Though I knew he was joking as I was just twelve years old at that time. Owing to his words , I have make up my mind to carve my future with the title of ‘Ar’. In order to emulate him, I have been working diligently both in academics and co-curriculum to ease my effort of obtaining a scholarship to study in faculty of architecture after graduating from high school for free if possible to reduce my parents’ burden as I can see only performing well academically would earn you a scholarship. Inspite of swotting up my study , I decided to learn Autocad and Photoshop after finishing my SPM examinations . Also , I endeavour to participate in several competitions including art design competitions and some academic competitions such as science knowledge competitions such as bronze prize holder of unsw physics competitions and have win prizes to be head and shoulder above other people such as Malaysia Japan students,creative design competitions,MIA national design competition, golden award holders of China international Olympic planning and design competition ,etc.

Besides of having to work on academic performances and polishing my skills on art work , I have been working in office as part time conceptual designer for two months to comprehend the skills and qualification needed to be a successful architect and to look for experiences while waiting to know my SPM result .

If I can , I seek opportunity of earning a standard education, not security of gaining any common scholarship. I don’t wish to be kept as a common student ,humbled and dulled by following any commoners’ path entering any local pre-u course ,arranged by their parents or gained without going through any obstancles , but hoping to receive my education overseas; I want to take calculated risk and challenging chance , to dream and to succeed ; I don’t want destiny to choose me but I will be the one who choose my very own destiny ; I prefer the challenges of life to prove my own existence, the thrill of fulfillment to having my aspiration to become true ; I will never cower to any challenges nor bend to to any threats which might prevent me from realizing pride as an architect . Therefore ,this is what I think and do to choose this scholarship as my stepping stone to achieving my dreams, my aspiration. Before I can taste my pride, I need HONDA to believe in my Power of Dreams .Hence , I am looking forward to hearing good news from Honda Dreams Fund.
(512 words)

However, the present of me have lost the vision, the confidence and the beaming smile carved on my face. Now I cant choose, i cant be proud, and i cant say to myself again that 'If you work hard and be optimistic enough, You can!' and this was able to drive me to success.But now, what i can say is that I m just a failure, perhaps due to my last year overconfidence outcomes. Just look at my english results , then you will know why i partially losing my confidence.Though I know results is not everything, but without the results , I m nothing. No matter how hard i strike, even when i have scored perfect hundred in the following test, i wont be able to get the minimum target score required by my sponsor.Currently, i am still trying to figure how and searching my driving force, and hopefully the force is with me before the ultimate tasks which determine wether i can fly or not .God ,bless me!

Game Freak

2009-06-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

I remember,
The first time I have touched you,
You feel so velvety, satiny and, and sleek ,
Just like sleeping on a bed of expensive silk ,
Soft yet lustiful, like how a baby addicted in drinking milk.

I remember
When you’ve played with me ,you shall see,
That I will murder you without being noticed,
I don’t use God strength ,But only Cleave ;
I’ll keep on pawning till you leave.

I remember,
All I get are Gems of Sight,
I bring no item to the fight ,
I just put on stats all game,
If not , I’ll kill you just the same.

I remember,
I buy mass boots and run like hell,
To your direction as I could smell,
The courage fleeing from your heart,
Or maybe that is a fearful fart.

I remember
I use Pudge, I have no hook;
Flesh Heap, Stats, is on my book.
I kill you with my rotting fat,
and then I'll rape you, just like that.

I remember
I kill you more than you can count,
You'll have no time to make a sound,
And as you head back into Hell,
I'll have another soul to sell.

I rememberwhen you wonder why I own,
A godly-god of flesh and bone,
I learned this from my home, ,
A humble place , as you would see.

LAZYness get better of me

2009-06-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

The Final Sight

Death's claws are closing by ,
Soaring above mountains high ,

A soothing wind hugged the night ,
while moonlight kissed the oceans bright ,

An eerie scent ,rains of blood ,
Thunder roared as lightning struck ,

And in the still before the flood,
Surrounded by the gore and mud,

Tearing flesh ,as blood oozing out,
A magnificent dying melody , sounded right,

Doom and despair , cry loud and fine ,
Yet , none , can escape from , DIE

The remnants of an ancient fight -
The bones lie cold, all burning white

The dancing wind leaves with a sigh
At peace at last, I close my eyes.

a narration, literally Reflect on myself (not-so-academic post- i mean casual style)

2009-04-27T01:36:00.000-07:00

WELL, BEFORE U START READING MY BLOG, LET ME WARN YOU THAT IT IS JUST FOR 19 YEARS OLD READERS AND THOSE BELOW THE AGE REQUIREMENT , PLEASE CLOSE THE BLOGPOST IMMEDIATELY BEFORE YOU START TO. AND IT IS FOR YOUT OWN GOOD. DON'T TRY TO CHEAT YOUR AGE , BECAUSE I KNOW IF YOU HAVE READ IT.SO BE FRANK TO YOURSELF . KIDS ! DON'T LIE!

ok after giving a densed warning ,let me begin the story the way u r comfortable with.thanks for being patience.

It was a pathetic tragedy . It happened since i was born. An unexpected yet unwanted baby was born on 15th August 1990. he was named after ''Happiness'', a simple yet meaningful name called HEE(CHINESE pronounce it as 'xi') but the arrival of him was not in the right place ,right time and right family. As far as i have being told, he was a disastrous catastrophe for the family and the arrival of him do not bring happiness and wealth but hatred, poverty and unfortune.At first, his life was a gamble , decided by a gambling ROUND by his own parents. His fate was determined by a flapping coin. In this gamble, if the head of the coin was obtained, it lead to the continual survival of the child in the family, however, if another face was obtained, it will lead to another unknown destination, which means the child will be given away to anyone who want a baby but was unable to give birth without any condition.......................lazy to write continue in other time ....chaos

EALD impromptu speech

2009-04-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

EALD-IMPROMPTU SPEECH
After a century of silence, I am back. I am back to post my blog again. Sorry to all my concerning friends. Soon mean sooner.(answering MUD)

Last Thursday , all students from Class 6 , more likely to be known as Archi 2, faced their doomsday , struggling through their greatest ,challenging yet exciting test, an Impromptu speech . For English-fluent-speaking students, like Atiqah , Nadirah , Sarah with an 'H',etc, the test surely seemed to be a tiny and easy task like a bed of roses for them. For them, it is like as easy as drinking water.However, it was an assesment ,more likely a choice, a choice for me either to opt to die or to survive throughout my course. It was not just a live-or-die decising test but a challenge and also a turning thrust to rescue my dying and poorest score .

So,as one of these bunch of forced-to-be victims , while waiting for my turn , I kept forcing myself doing revison , studying , absorbing , digesting ,or even eating up again if I vomit out ,in which I have to , those important facts on any issues relating to Australia , ranging from cultural issues to official and non-official national songs ,just for one ambitious hope, perhaps i should call it as hard-to-reach-yet-not-impossible dream in getting high marks to cover up those marks which I lost in other previous assesments. In my belief , only those who dare to dream big can be success. No one is excluded from this very true fact. In order to reach my only aim, I do not give up nor daring to take a ''second'' break, revising essays on global issues and practising to use idioms I learned a day before the test.

Seeing my friends ,one by one ,entering the small room ,'pom...pom...' ,my heart pulsated harder and harder, faster and faster as it felt like as it was going to hop out of my chest as every seconds passed. 'Beng, now's your turn'. I exclaimed ' yes, time to free myself' 'deep in my heart.Finally or eventually, it comes to my turn to vomiting out everything i eat . After wiping my sweats ,taking a deep breath, calming myself by swallowing saliva to ease my nerve, i walked into the room where all the tension and uneasy and complicated feelings concentrated in.The voice of mine'' It will end in no time'' echoed in my ears.At first , I took my seat ,where I put my heavy , hardened and wet butt, perhaps due to my uncontrollable butterfly in my stomach , staring into the eyes of the examiner-Mr Derick. Soon, I was asked to take a piece of paper randomly ,which contain the questions I must answer ,out of a blue bag. Though I m Buddhist, i seldomly pray to the god of mine. But ,in that moment , I did . Having my luck and fate determined by this random pick , I prayed as much as possible mentally, while taking out a piece of questions paper.Wondering what kind of questions I would get, I quickly unfold the paper , glancing the texts on this tiny paper and read every words carefully and cautiously, worrying that I might miss out any important keywords .

'Damn , shit! A question on youth problem.' An easy question? You might think how fortunate I was. It was a tough answering session for me. I was so empty, empty in the sense of no idea .Again ,I was filled with nervousness and fear, fear that i would not do well . Overwhelmed by nervousness, I wasted a few seconds to eliminate my fear and nervousness, yet i failed ,i think. Soon , Leong voiced out his starting speech with a beautiful phrase or quote. ''WOW, so 'geng' ''as i think.' Shit , I wasted few seconds again listening to others talk' i shouted soundlessly to myself. More and more pressure rained on my shoulder . In no time, I scanned and jot down everything pop out of my pig-brained mind. Why i described my mind as a pig brain.I got to admit that it is because all the stuffs i could think are too narrow and unbrilliant. Yet I still got to proceed to make my notes on a piece of paper given within the three minutes given. I could hardly recall what exactly the question are.

However, as deep i dug from my brain, the first question sounded like this:In your opinion, what is the most predominant problem among the youth that you find out in your nation.The second question was what is the main causes ....... and I guessed the last question which i was not certain was what is the culture that aid this problem . I still able to recall how I answered them without making use of anything that i learn for nights. They are just wasted .It was a doom and gloom for me despite all the questions I manage to answer.After Leong went out, I gave my speech in.

''It had been admitted that youth problems had (have) reared its ugly head among youth(supposed to be youngsters) in our nation . One of the most dominant problems(i think i will be marked down for repeating the some voca several times.) is violence, which(lots of grammar mistakes) ranging from verbal abuses to rebellious act of violence (revolved within a household-I wanted to add this thing in but too late when i spoke out .) then i forgot what i saidFor the second questions I stated that there is three main factors causing this problem or malaise which are mass media ,family background and education system. When i further elaborated the point on mass media, i gave examples of movies like Fast and furious and Taken which i recenly watched, then i noticed he suddenly smile and I felt weird. Now I understand why he smiled , i found out later that kcv also provided the same examples of her issue.''Haha , what a coincidence, i think. The third question I think I answered pretty bad because out of blue, i forgot what was the question, then I simply bombarded my statement with no precise answers.I put in canning system in chinese tradition and a point that all children must not disobey every order of parents give in a tradition of chinese family as my answers. After giving all my answers, in the fear of having not enough time, i quickly summarise my speech and only use one idiom i learned. I said,'' to summarise, only fine feathers can make fine birds. Only a family with wealthy and good mindset can produce better and healthy generation.....''The rest, i forgot. Soon, it ended. But , It was a pathetic and sad ending where I was claimed to speak too fast and not fully ultilise the remaining time. Sarah complained that i was too fast, she didnt have much time to prepare. Thinking the mistakes I made , I was so scared. But I don't care as i cant go back and answer my questions again though it is an easy one. No matter how dissapointed I am with myself, I still can't change the fact that i did badly this time . 'Let the bygone be bygone' ,I always use this lame excuse to encourage myself to do better in next time. But why when it comes to speech giving or public speaking ,anything related to oral, I always do very badly. I wish I have the gift of the gab like the others but i cant do a thing to change myself. Hopefully before the next assessment , i would gain it. i hope my hard work pay but things never work out as you want it to be. After all, I was still very weak in english despite all the tuitions and international exam I took to polish my soft skill.

In conclusion, despair will come when I think of English. Yet i must gather my courage and focus to study it and tried to love it and make just EALD my girl friends (I am not greedy as Jaevon is)Hopefully , I still can get 3 marks out of 5 but it seems to be a ‘no’ to me after recalling bad memory. Now, I am numb with all the dissapointments I had within myself. Felt being swallowed by the darkness slowly, perhaps I should let myself silhoutted by the shadows ,always hide in the darkness where no one will notice or feel my presence.I always hope , hoping that there is a time machine for me to redo all my test but it happens only in my dream. After all, I am just a tiny man in mind though big in size. When i will be as mighty as Sarah, as bright as zee man. The question always vanish without being answered, because I gain no capabilty of answering it.Just let it be..............

My view On Life

2009-02-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

View on Myself
Other people might find me very interesting in the way I act, talk and behave, but the truth is that I alway love to hide my true self. My friends love me because I am quite a good listener and I will never turn their story to the others and lend them my shoulder whenever they need it . Hopefully they'll probably still love me though i haven't made any effort in updating their news, since I practised antisocialise culture due to tireness and laziness in tolerating and socialising with people around me.

The type of girlfriend I am looking for:
I like serious, smart and determined people. I don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily my style. Perhaps this makes me an attractive person in some people's eyes.(ha ha vomiting,but sometimes we do need to praise ourselves though we know it is so untrue.)

The seriousness of my love:
I do think I am very serious about relationships and am not interested in wasting time with people I don't really like. If I meet the right person, I will fall deeply and beautifully in love. So,I think I prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether I will commit to the relationship.

Views on Education and The Right Job For Me:
Education is very important in my life. I determine that I will strugle to study hard( but not smart ) and learn as much as I can, as long as I am still breathing.However,I may not like to study(academic stuffs especially in language subjects owing to the bad memories i had with my language teachers during my high school life.But i promise myself i will fall in love in EALD and treat it like my first love.) Nevertheless, i think I have many unuseful yet practical ideas.(Get it? ha ha) I will listen to my own instincts and tend to follow my heart, so i will probably end up with an unusual job in the future(May be not as an architect).
Actually, I have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them as i always shift my ambition like mad frequently. However there is a basic requirement of mine in choosing my dream job and it must be something that I must have a great desire for it and am willing to sacrifise my time happily doing it without any complain regardless of the salary(at least it must have three digits)

How do you view success:
To be frank, I am afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career I would like to have in case I don't succeed as I need to take up my responsibility to look after my parents and GOLDEN PIG. Even though the path I chose seem to be having a lot of obstancles waiting ahead for me to step in , i won't give up no matter what. Being courageous is the pilot to success.

What do I most afraid of:
Sometimes, I am very concerned about my image( though currently I have no time to care on my impressions as too many workloads require my attention more) and the way others see me. This means that I will try very hard to be accepted by other people. Now, I think it's time for you guys to believe in who I am, not what I wear. Please don't judge me just by the cover I display on myself, try to put in effort to understand me more, you will slowly realise I am actually quite a nice person to be your close friends( ha ha ....praising myself again)

My Trueself:
I like privacy very much because I enjoy spending time with my own thoughts. Sometimes, I like to disappear when I cannot find solutions to your own problems such as sleeping or abusing and injuring myself unconsciously as these are my techniques of escapism when facing troubles, doubts and worries, but I would feel better if I have learned to share my thoughts with a person I trust.But the question is : " Is there anybody You can trust?None?" My friends used to say friends are used to betray, that's what friendship means in this universal world. So get prepared when you are to be betrayed by those who you trusted the most. The day when we will be cheated and betrayed are certainly waiting ahead for us. It is just a matter of time. But the fact is that I wont betray anybody so all your secrets are safe with me!(Doubt so! ha ha.......)

@@ THREE TYPES OF MEN

2009-02-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

People said there wont be any outcome if there is no effort
People said there is no 100% aspiration but perspiration
People said there are only three kind of people in this world, which are: person who know nothing and do nothing, person who know there are something but do nothing, they would rather see thing happens and finally, person who know something and actually take action on it.
Guess which kind am i belonging to, Frankly, i m type two but now i will try to become the third type, wish the day of being no.3 will come.....Haiz!!! Mom and Dad, I will study hard without wasting any more time in gaming or watching Dragon Ball and I promise myself that I will struggle deligently to fly to Australia.Though I knew I wrote my EALD test pretty bad but I will get to improve from time to time.Let time prove everything.From week 7, I shall become a studying machine .

Ah Beng jokes

2009-02-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

I will post all those blogs that I have stopped posting for weeks as internet access is too slow(is that an excuse?whatsoever).However I find it really hard to write my own blog’s content since there are too many things to consider such as title, content, readers, time,etc) So ,this week I decide to write some jokes to entertain you guys since exams are coming soon. I hope it will rejuvenate you guys after reading those silly jokes.Funny, interesting or bad jokes. All depend on how you see and judge it.Have fun !

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,‘My Mobile No. Has changed.Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610′

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz I am studying EALD in KBU College sponsored by JPA.Friend: Really, what you are studying in EALD.Ah Beng: No, actually I am not studying , they are Studying me.

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play DOTA every night .DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

Ah Beng : People consider me as a ‘GOD’.Wife: How do you know??Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today,! everybody said, Oh GOD! You have come again.

Ah Beng complained to the police: ‘Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house.’Police: ‘How the thief did not take TV?’Ah Beng : ‘I was watching TV news…’

Ah Beng comes back to his car and find a note saying ‘Parking Fine’He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole ‘Thanks for complement.’

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?A piece of cake, he is bald.why?He is the one who always play with his hairs until becoming Si Botak(A guy don’t have any hair) .

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says ‘Hello, how did you know I was here?’

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running? Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup .Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

EALD lecturer : ‘I killed a person’ convert this sentence into future tense . Ah Beng : The future tense is ‘you will go to jail’

Ah Beng told his servant: ‘Go and water the plants!’Servant: ‘It’s already raining. ’ Ah Beng : ‘So what? Take an umbrella and go.’

A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi (Prime Minister)goes walking in the evening and not in the morning?Ah Beng replied : Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM.

Have a Happy ^.^ weekend. Happy birthday , ATIQAH. ENJOY reading it? I don't have money to buy presents(an excuse to save money.ha ha) but i can write jokes to entertain everyone though sometimes i love to write some silly jokes.HOPE yOu HaVe FuN rEaDiNg It.

To overeat is as great as evil as to starve

2009-02-11T03:22:00.000-08:00

Eating is a matter of habit and up-bringging.However, eating is not just as simple as a daily rountine to fill our stomach but it makes our life meaningful and colourful.Eating is an enjoyment for me as i always think that we are born to this world to EAT.As Chinese always says :" chia si hock(hokien)" which means able to eat is something happy and lucky no matter what the food is.Hence , I never stop eating and I do not choose food, but I will let the food choose me.(Ha ha..it means if the food does not choose you, it will cause you food-poisoning!) As long as it is eatable, i will consume it without a second thought.Nowadays, many people stop eating frequently UNLIKE my family owing to their own reasoning. In the tradition of my father side, his family always eat, as often as almost 2 or 3 hours per meal within a single day.Indirectly, i'm quite influenced by this tradition of eating habit. By following this culture, taking up 6 meals per day seems to be quite normal for me.For your knowledge,the number of meals might increase from 6 to 7 especially during weekend.So , don't be surprise of how much my stomach would contain! Let me tell u a hint, i shall take my buffey dinner at Seoul Garden from 5pm. -9.45pm without hesitation nor stopping to rest.(time when the restaurant close)If you don't believe me, ask Woei Song who accompanied me to have my buffey dinner that time.But he is more containable because he ate until he was out of limit and then he vomitted out all the food!(Both of us are PENANG people)So BE READY TO EMPTY YOUR WALLET IF YOU DECIDE TO TREAT ME!HA HA.

As i said earlier, most people today love to reduce the amount of their food and the number of meals taken just to save some penny to shop those USELESS CLOTHES or STUFF.I always wonder why they would like to suffer much by starving themselves to fulfish their materialistic demand.Am I right?Franky?However, there are some people who enjoy over starvation just to keep fit and healthy?Like A....., she eats bread and nothing else just to stay slim and thin. hey, life is too short and fragile.Eats whatever you like while you are still healthy and young.And please don't call me EATING monster or 'TAM CHIA'(hokien) which means a person who become very greedy when comes to eat.

In the culture of eating, there are three main types, overeating, starving and eating healthily.the evil of overeating are many.the organs are overtaxed, causing the efficiency of bodily function to be low and as such overeaters are not able to sustain long hours of concentrated or consistent work.Obesity may be the result which again tells on the efficiency of the limbs in their movements.obsese person is again uncouth and becomes a laughing stock in the public like who i was few year ago. I have experienced those trouble and shame before i determined to change without reducing the amount of daily intake but doing exercises more frequently and it works.(Ask Ginger if dont believe, he was my classmate for 3 years since form 1)Furthermore,it might lead to diseases like heart diseases . S o beware when you eat, however I am still stick to my stands that eats whatever you able to consume but with certain limit.the limit , i mean , interpret yourself!

If you assume overeating is an evil, starving is equally bad.It is so because organisms wont get the necessary food for efficiency and up keep.A starved person will get fatigued and the quantum of work which they turn out must be less. Please look at those girls in this modern day except Atiqah(overenergetic?)Besides, starvation as said before tells on the growth of children.There is an article in chinese newspaper which i read weeks ago saying that starvation during pregnancy and post natal period will affect both mother and the child.

Before i put my finaaly full stops,i would like to give a piece or two advice on eating .Try avoid overeating by all means as well as staving . So becareful with your eating habits, ladies and gentlemen.Tata, see you guys next week

Is having a ROOMATE a curse or a blessing?

2009-01-16T01:51:00.000-08:00

If one studies in other state or country, one is of necessity forced to live close or even have to share a room with other people. It is extremely different from sharing a room with your younger siblings, where we can argue , fight of getting more spaces or have more freedom to do anything ; however , with the presence of a roomate in a room ,where i carry out all my daily routines such as :sleeping, eating, studying, crying, gaming,etc, things will tend to be very strange,awkward and distinct comparing to my previous room sharing with my brother, like chalk and cheese.Currently, living with a half-known roomate, I must perforce tolerate with him who sleep juz next to me(different bed, we are not sleeping together ^.^ dont misunderstand.)under the same roof. Poorly sponsored student,like me,therefore, are at the mercy of my bed neighbour.The problem of maintaing cordial relations with roomate is ever present.

The word 'neighbourly' connotes living in close proximity.It also means being sociable,civil,obliging and friendly (these I found in my electronic dictionary).But, human nature being what it is, these admirable qualities are very seldom met with among roomates.Fortunately, he is sufficiently being 'neighbourly' with me by ruling around his empire-my narrow room, emphasising his GINGERISM in which i have to cowardly obey.

Staying with a person who possesses of aggregately(an economic term) different personality compared with me,sometimes, I m forced to accept his different tastes, customs and habits. Some roomate of others is quiet type,but others are noisy.Luckily, he is of quiet, patient,caring type. BUT unfortunate to him, I am the noisy type.With the prevalence of cheap loudspeaker and laptop, i tend to hear songs of my favourite (but mostly arent his taste as he love opera,romantic and antique chinese songs with stunning clash of gong and cymbals which i consider the most boring melodies in this world)for whole afternoon during weekend.To optimise my the effect , I do think the greater the volume, the better the music.But, i just simply can't do it and have to negotiate with him because I 'm very tolerant ,helpful,considerate,civic-minded and kind-hearted(ha ha....vomit, sorry ,woei song ,copying your styles of writing).

Then,there is the bad roomate who selfishly and lazily to dump his rubbish out of his fully-filled-and-soon-will-burst dustbin at the end corner of the room.I guess I am the bad roomate who lazily intend to dispose of the gabbage dumped there once a month.whereas he is the one of being extravagantly hygienic who keep urging me to throw away those rubbish and again keep mentioning those rules set by him to remind me to finish my weekly household chores-cleaning washroom and mopping the floor.Apart of that, he is an extreme-heat-lover and cold hater.So, he will demand to switch the only one fan in my hot and unventilated room to the minimum level of speed which is LEVEL-1.I am so envy and admire of his capability in absorbing 'heat'.Though i am extremely can't stand against the heat of the room which tend to barbeque me when i study ,'dota' or sleep,yet I m still saying YES and having my head bowed to GINGERISM.To be frank, it drives me mad and unfocus and it end up distracting me and causing me unable to concentrate in my study.Finally i punched a big hole in my pocket and bought myself a mini fans.Besides that, he has a pair of extremely sharp and sensitive ears, as sharp as a dog and as sensitive as a cat. You might ask 'so what'. Well, it means that you cant make a call , listen to musics or talking as loud as an ant chirping after 10pm(his sleeping time) or during his study time.Even the sound of a dropping NEEDLE will wake him up of his sweet dream.Again, i nodded to this great,wonderful and powerful rule of GINGERISM. As i said ealier, I m very amiable,caring,tolerant and good roomate(>_

Actually,there are too many obstancles that make my life tougher due to the rules and regulations(GINGERISM).But I will try to cope with it ,adapt to it and love it.Roomate can be a curse or a blessing.Yet on the whole, living with a roomate is better than living alone.

So ,what do you think of your roomates?A curse or a blessing?

P.S:Next post i will be posting issue on MY ROOMATES' habitual lifestyle.If you are keen in knowing him more, you are welcome to keep following my blog.'ROOMATE'!I 'm going to betray you and expose everything i see, smell and taste.haha just kidding.By the way, his nickname is GINGER. SORRY, Ginger if i unintentionally offence you.Don't be mad, ok?ha ha

when life encounter with M~O~N~E~Y and SHOPPING

2009-01-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

I am sure everyone love to keep money than spending it either in banks, or perhaps in your underwear .However, have you ever questioned what is the purpose of having a lot of money in your account without spending a penny .Is it fun to just keep them without using them to the fullest to buy anything ranging from a bowl of hot soup to a huge villa to reach the level of maximim utlity level , just like the only one thing i understand about Economics i learned last year.

Well , most of my female friends love to spend all their money in shopping.Some of them would rather starve for the rest of the day just to get their favourite-branded-jeans.'Am i right?Atiqah , Syireen and Chia Venn?' They are a group of shopaholic devils who spend money like drinking water when comes to issue of SHOPPING without a second thought like what i always do.According to what i notice, they can walk for 10 to 20 kilometers or just stroll around within a shopping complex for hours which are ,in my view,built to take away our hard-earn-money.But, it is totally different senario when they are requested to participate in a marathon , taking up only 45minutes walk. I t is a suffering activity for me just to walk in a air-conditioned building and have myself running around to scan and grab whatever i like.It is a very tiring yet boring stuff I will never force myself to do it except recently because i was forced to .In brief , I am amazed of what they are capable to do which i cant do.There is no way i would shop for hours .even though it takes only an hour, i would feel wanna die of tireness and boredom.

In comparison to them,i would prefer to keep the money instead of spending it.Most of them ask me why, i would just answer them that i feel more secure with some penny inside my wallet and i would count them everyday.I t is an enjoyment and objective of mine struggling hard to earn money.That's all, because i have nothing else to write, hope it will not bore you.And i edited the previous last sentence as now i know the importance of this academic blog in which its purpose is not for the weekly joke i would write as usual but as part of the course. I do step on a thin layer of ice but i will try to get hold on a flotable object before i fall .Thanks for reading it.

ps :I m not a good writer but i will try to make it more interesting and hopefully error free than the all the previous post every week